Not what I'd call news

I was discussing the price of some of my company’s imported furniture with a lady in Beijing about a month ago and she called me back yesterday.

She asked about a piece I'd quoted as 9500 RMB and I had to tell her the price was now 9750 RMB.

Absolutely fairly she asked why the price had gone up so I simple replied "fluctuations", I was a little shocked when she screamed

"F**k you gweilos too" and hung up!

My number is 333, ...............................I'm only half evil!

John Fowles may be the best writer ever! People will dispute this and I’m one of them (Steinbeck and Orwell would probably be in the running and I rather like Ms. Atwood) but I did say “may be” so feel I’m on safe ground.

The reason for this little outburst which is clearly way more than my usual (X/10) or percentage rating is I’ve just read The Collector and although I’m not going to admit I was scared… it really was one of the creepiest (and best) things I’ve read in a long time.

Just to ruin it for you… a socially inept loser wins the pools, kidnaps foxy young lady from his neighbourhood and keeps her in his cellar. Even though he doesn’t really do anything to her it really makes your skin crawl. Just knowing where the story could and probably will lead really isn’t nice but it'd be impossible to stop yourself finding out if you were right.

In the first half of the book the kidnapper tells his side of the story and the thought processes he justifies his actions with, then you get it from the girl’s perspective before finding out both their fates. I’m told it was made into a rather good film but forget about that, buy and read the book and do have nightmares!

I have to admit it's been along time since I've really considered nursery rhymes but I think even with my liking for a beer or two I can remember the words to the now un pc Baa Baa Black Sheep.

So, when at karaoke last Friday night (with clients, don't ask!) I saw the infamous tune I figured it had my name all over it. Unfortunately when the words came up I was a little thrown:

Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool? (all good so far)

Yes sir, yes sir three bags full. (still sticking to the script)

One for my master and one for my dame, (sounds something like)

but non for the little boy that cries down the lane! (NNNNnnnoooooo….!!!!!)

Now surely this is wrong! other than the minor point that its a bit cruel to have a little boy crying there's the mathematics that put it clearly on the wrong side of right.

“Three bags full” Baa Baa clearly says but then after giving one to Baa Baa's master and another to the dame there is non for the little boy (who I seem to remember "lives down the lane").

Three minus one generally equals two, less one more and you still have a remainder of one not none so unless either master or dame are just being plain old nasty we can stop the little boys blubbering and give him one right!

I’ve long hated karaoke (especially on Friday nights with clients) but this is the final nail.